Alias: 'Disco Dude'

Uncompromised Quality Photography
By Photographer Dan Harris

A home-studio photography business in Jacksonville, FL
1124 Riviera St.  Jacksonville, FL  32207 (904) 398-7668

My sarcastic ramblings about the Typical Photographer's BLOG

As if you care, now here's the ad: By Florida Wedding Photographer Dan Harris

(Blog -Smog: Give me a break!) Here's what most 'photographer's' blog entries consist of (names and wording have been slightly altered to protect the innocent) WARNING: may not be suitable for small children as one cuss word was used:

"Wow! What a great photoshoot and such a beautiful family here they are holding hands and here they are smiling for the camera. I want to thank them for being so great and I want to thank the most incredible location for letting us shoot there isn't life beautiful, She's beautiful, I'm beautiful,etc. It was an honor, everyone is thrilled --here's a few of my favorite pictures (that I spent hours editing on the computer adding artistic effects and my logo --don't forget my logo) I hope everyone is as impressed with me as I am with myself."

Then their next few entries (written on a regular basis) says something along the lines of: "Today I want to announce that I am incredible because I have been chosen as the low bidder for a big famous project (or I volunteered to do it for free but needed to make it sound like I was one of the chosen few) and I am so excited they trust me to do such an important job. I hope I can please them (even though I will be losing my shirt on the deal and won't be able to afford to fix anything if there is a problem.)" Or better yet: "I am thrilled to have my pictures featured in a cool magazine, it's such a great honor and it proves I am one of the best" (I hope the readers of this don't realize I paid for the 'feature' so really it is just paid advertising, but I will try to make it sound better than that because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and dog gone it people like me!).

Another typical entry: "I won another impressive photo contest (by the society of left-handed, one-eyed, infared film-only photographers who use modified Pentax lenses and only shoot on the 2nd Tuesday of each month after 6pm, I got 2nd place out of 2 entrants) --this proves I am the best!"

And one of my favorites (after a period of no postings): "Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have just been so busy (in my own mind with rock star assignments and all) and all my fans have been clamoring for the latest so here's the newest -just this morning while having lunch with my executive staff at a high-end, park-side cafe (my neighbor in her backyard over cofee with rollers still in her hair) my PR advisor told me (to not be so depressed but I should really talk myself up on this next entry and make it sound positive & busy, you know -fake it 'till you make it!) how exciting this most recent children's shoot is going to be (although this weeks shoot is of my own children because I've got nothing else going on but I have to write about something) and how we plan on using the photos as samples on my website and entering them in contests because they are the cutest kids in the whole wide world! (because they look like me! --I hope people will be impressed and think this was a highly paid exclusive photography assignment.)"

Another entry months later: "I have been on assignment in the Bahamas on the beach taking photos of the children of corporate executives, they may end up in a national newletter! I'm also shooting wildlife & beach shots. (Only my closest friends know that I am really at my husbands Annual National Sales Convention for his work. He gave me the assignment of laying out on the beach and taking photos with the other mothers while he is golfing. It's a good thing he has such a high-paying job otherwise I couldn't pretend to be a legitimate photographer nor could I have afforded this expensive camera, website and advertising! Isn't life grand! Opps, don't kick sand on my new camera!)"

Continue to repeat the same entries over and over only change the names dates, ad more overly photo-shopped photos and minor details and don't forget to use dramatically positive words like awsome, amazing, wonderful, incredible, highly-aclaimed, humbled, honored, etc.

OR as the youth post on 'their faceSpace': "Stardate 2008, it's 2 am, another sleepless night, my emotions are out-of-control, I am torn over Brad or Jenn, or mom got me really mad, etc. etc. etc"..... BLOG - SMOG, give me a break!

First off who has the time to read every whinny detail of someone's hourly highs and lows brought on by: a) the fragile artistic ego, b) puberty, c) self-medicating, d) some other psychotic disorder, or e) all of the above. Secondly, my ego isn't so overly inflated that I really believe another persons mundane life will somehow be benefited by reading my drivel! (but you do have to credit the internet --thank you Al Gore ;-) -- for some very entertaining reading if you have a sleepless night when nothing is good on TV!) I work all the time and update my website twice a year (on good years) sometimes only once a year and one time went nearly two years before I could get to it. Some days I barely have enough time to walk the dog so I would be the worst blogger ever. I guess too if I wasn't such a down-to-earth, honest person it would be easier for me to make a big deal over nothing and pretend that everything I do is so glamourous! There are plenty of entertaining bloggers out there, continually posting overly exagerated BS, so when you are done amusing yourself with their ramblings just remember to call me when you need a quality photographer and remember that you are the greatest -the best- and I really enjoy working with you, etc. I just don't have time to post it on a blog!

Then there are those photographers who take their BLOG very seriously (at least for the first 3 months of mega entries, then reality sets in and the entries drop off). They think everyone is trying to keep track of their life and career so they use it as a public relations outlet hoping one day to post detailed information about their latest photo shoot with up-and-coming child star 'Bonnie' who will eventually be featured on Oprah ultimately leading to the mentioning of their name on national television which will spontaneously combust into (queue my music) a fabulous "I've arrived, if you could see me now" party culminating in their own reality 'rock star' TV show making all the people who ever held them down regret that they didn't kiss their ass!

Sometimes I read between the lines and it says: "I am so full of myself, I am so important, everyone wants to know everything I am doing every minute of every day, if it weren't for my blog writing. . . the whole world would come to a stand still!" I love the commercial where the husband is bragging about the latest happening that he is going to post to his blog so the whole world will know and his wife says "what, so your mother can read it?"

Or maybe they have been mislead by their webmaster who told them they can get higher rankings by rambling or repeating key words or repeating key words repeatedly? Or maybe their psychiatrist requires a daily post? Currently I just don't have the time for it but some nights I get indigestion or don't sleep well so late at night I type some dumb ramblings on my website -just like this! (so does that make me a hypocrite? Is it less egotistical because it is self-admitted? If you've read this far, don't blame me, you may need better sleeping pills or a newer antacid! Maybe that's what I need!)


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